Doggerel verse and the plight of Bollywood

Have I just grown a little long in the tooth or do others notice the decline in the quality of lyrics in Bollywood songs these days? I thought we’d seen (and heard) the worst in the Bappida 80s and the Nadeem-Shravan 90s. But apparently, there still are depths to be plumbed by Bollywood lyricists. Now, the formula seems to be to throw in some random, vaguely Sufi words, add some English and, if you’re a really cool lyricist, some other foreign language. Meter and rhyme and content and thought be damned.

I have a rather controversial solution in mind. Let’s get lyricists from Pakistan and send Indian cinematographers over. Indian lyrics are as poor as Pakistani camerawork. Both stand to gain. What do you think?

In the meanwhile, given prevailing standards, I’m sure I could be a lyricist in Bollywood. I wrote up a jingle inspired by the classic hit Mere piya gaye Rangoon. Here it is, an ode to my favourite international calling service:

Oh darling, Oh darling keep the phone back
For ‘tho it’s so part of us to yak
You can’t say it all, Oh how it does gall
The cost of this call!

Oh princess I have news, you’ll thank heaven when you hear
With trueroots there’s no worry, with trueroots there’s no fear
On and on we can keep, So easy and so cheap
We can even talk in our sleep!

Kya khayal hai? Could I make it as a songsmith? Could you? Send me your craziest ditties. On any topic. We’ll dedicate this to the great lyricists of Bollywood.